I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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