who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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