I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dear god my vagina.
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