Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
