jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You are a booty call, not a friend.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
