he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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