Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
