We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
