he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
