I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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