He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
