the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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