I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
