i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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