I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
