You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
