Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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