i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hippo gnu deer
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
