awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
