it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
