I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
