i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
