what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
