a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
