shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
