u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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