bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
