My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
