my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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