Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
