Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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