Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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