Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
