we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
