I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
