We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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