so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
