so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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