u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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