Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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