You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
