he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
