I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize