I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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