Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
