So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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