What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
