Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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