Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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