Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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