Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
