The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
