Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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