Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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