You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
