My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
