i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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