Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize