Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
