Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
