so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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