turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
