never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
