Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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