do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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