Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
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im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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