you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
