this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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