remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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