I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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