Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
