I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dignity is for republicans.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
